Dog training life lessons from the yoga mat.

I think life is full of lessons for us to learn. Most of them are subtle lessons that are easy to overlook or miss if you're not open to them. I actually had one of those lessons this week. Or, maybe it was more of a reminder than a real lesson. But I'll get to that lesson in a moment after a little bit of backstory.

Earlier this winter, I had seen my doctor and she suggested that I do some sort of physical activity every day. This was when I was just starting my self improvement journey and I was having some problems with getting some emotions under control. She felt that moving around would help with that. I dabbled with yoga with a couple of DVD's I had kicking around and playing around with the wii fit we had gotten years ago. Spring came and then I got busy with agility and going more outside. I had dropped the yoga stuff until this July and I really understood the idea of self care better. I found GaiamTV online, set up my subscription to it, and uncovered my yoga mat. I started out with doing a yoga practice a couple of times a week. Then that morphed into 4 - 5 times a week. Now the yoga practice has become the first thing in the morning ritual that I do at least 6 days a week now.

from bradleypjohnson

I have never been a flexible person...I was never a little girl who could do a handstand or a split. So, doing yoga has been a slow going progression of me being able to do different poses. Slowly over these weeks of my morning practice, I have noticed that I have gotten stronger in plank position and I can drop myself into chaturanga position to upward dog with control instead of plopping my stomach onto the floor. I can move from one pose to another without feeling like I'm going to fall on my head. I don't shake as much and I can do forward folds deeper without my hamstrings screaming in agony. Every day I step on to that yoga mat, I am 1% better than I was yesterday. So, let's get back to that lesson I started with.

"Keep looking for ways to keep improving that 1% each day."

There is a parallel between learning yoga and dog training (especially performance sports.) When you're starting out in yoga, most likely your body will not let you bust out some crazy advanced stuff like flying pigeon pose right out of the gate. Trust me, after 2 months of yoga, there are things I can do better...but there's a lot that I still struggle with at the beginner and low intermediate level. It's going to take me a long time for my body to be able to master the intermediate and advanced levels of yoga. And you know what, I'm okay with that because that is something I cannot control. That's not on my ego's time frame, that's on my body's time frame. So, for the mean time, I will just keep looking for ways to improve that 1% each day. (Just for clarity's sake....this blog post explains what I mean by the word "ego.")

Looking at dog training through this same lens...our ego's put a lot of dog training results on a time frame. You hear it all the time."I want to get ______ titles on my dog this year." "By the time my dog is ____ years old, they will have their _______ titles." "This dog will be my (OMG title) dog!" I will even admit that I have been guilty of letting my ego run rampant with prophecies of greatness Lars. Who's time frame is it really?? It's not really yours at all....it's really your dog's time frame. There's plenty of things in dog training that we cannot rush as trainers. If you do rush somethings, your performance will fall apart in the ring. I've seen that happen to people too and then they get angry at their dog they rushed instead of admitting they didn't take the time the dog really needed to be solid. It's those people who want to be at advanced levels of stuff before their dog's skill sets are ready to do it. My agility journey with Ocean has been very different this time around....especially this year. I celebrate being 1% better than we were yesterday or last week, or the last trial. Rottweilers tend to be a slow to mentally mature breed and being an intact boy doesn't help his cause. Sure, there are dogs who are younger than Ocean working in Masters level agility. But....their time frame is different than Ocean's time frame that is currently being controlled by his level of mental maturity. I have zero control of that....there's nothing I can do to make him mentally grow up faster. All I can do is keep training, keep building experience and mileage, and keep trialing and NQ'ing with him. But, everyday we get a little bit better just like me with my yoga poses. Instead of getting frustrated with what poses I can't do....I celebrate what I can do that I couldn't do 2 weeks ago. 

 

My journey with dogs is becoming very much like this. Instead of getting all bent out of shape about what we can't do....I celebrate what we did better, especially if it was something that we struggled with before. I would like to challenge everyone who is training their dogs (and this includes pet dog people too working on basic manners or tricks or whatever) to celebrate that 1% improvement you see every time you train your dogs....let go of your ego driven time frames because they will bring you as much disappointment as you think they will bring you happiness.

Transcendent Trainers

So...I've been playing around with something that I think could be really, really cool.

I notice that there aren't a lot of wearable things for us dog people that strengthen us as trainers/handlers. There are a ton of shirts and stuff out there that poke fun at us and our shortcomings... things that don't build us up. I know we've all seen shirts that say "Dog Wants New Handler." or "Great Dog, Shame About the Handler." If we wear those negative, self defeating messages...what does that say about what we really feel about ourselves?? Why do we project our negative self image to others around us and out to the universe?

I saw and bought that one shirt I got from a vendor at the USDAA New England Regionals that says something about believing in myself and my dog. The couple of agility trials I wore it to and after posting a chest selfie ofmy shirt, I had a bunch of friends say they needed that shirt or where could they get one. I went off and googled thinking I could locate it in a page or two. I was surprised to see that I couldn't find anything like that online. I found that actually disappointing.

Being the creative entrepreneur that I am, I set out to fix that.  I'm now offering clothing and gifts with empowering messages for us and our dogs on the Tasks site. I'm calling it "Transcendent Trainers."

http://www.trainemtasks.com/collections/transcendent-trainer

I have been asked about other styles of t-shirts like v-necks and long sleeves....unfortunately the printer that I am using in conjunction with my online store doesn't have those available. But, Zazzle does and I'm offering Train 'Em Tasks and Transcendent Trainers merchandise there too. http://www.zazzle.com/train_em_tasks

I see Transcendent Trainers becoming a sister site to Train 'Em Tasks...but that will come down the road in a couple of months. This is seriously just starting out and I have literally a ton of  transcendent ideas floating around in my head. I'm excited about it especially since I've been on my own big self improvement path this year.

Spiritual gangsters and dog training

So, I will fully admit, the Tasks blog has been put on the back burner this spring while developing new products and working on a myriad of other things with the boys and even on myself.

That is where the title of today's blog post comes from...the hard work I have been doing on the inside. Long story short, I started to see a mental health professional almost a year ago now because there was a lot in my life that wasn't working for me. At the time, I thought it was burnout from my former day job with an undercurrent of depression. It infiltrated everything...work, personal life, and even the journey I walked with the boys. It wasn't until about 4 - 5 months into the sessions that we had a big break through...I wasn't burned out or clinically depressed. I was Codependent. What that means in a nutshell, I learned a lot of self defeating mental survival skills as a kid growing up in a dysfunctional household that I carried into and cling to as an adult. To quote Codependent No More, the book that has more or less redefined my life - "Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards ourselves and others that cause us pain. These habits are self destructive." Codependent people worry about, obsess over, and try to control other people and events that are not our business to worry about, obsess over, and try to control. We enmesh ourselves in external things and people and detach from ourselves. Codependent people also have low self worth. We don't feel good about ourselves and we don't like ourselves very much. We tie our self worth to accomplishments and external things/events.

That has been my operating system for 40 or so years and removing that virus from my operating system is going to take some time. It's been slow going and I have had moments where its easier for me to fall back on familiar, old habits. But, it is getting better every day and I am putting one foot in front of the other on the path of codependency recovery. I'm working hard on detaching from everything that isn't my direct responsibility. The only thing I'm responsible for is me (isn't that a radical thought!) I'm working very hard on placing my own needs first and practicing self care (physically and emotionally.) I'm working very hard on developing the idea that what other people think of me is really none of my business. I'm letting go of all things that I can't control (which is everything but my own actions, feelings, and thoughts.) I'm becoming a spiritual gangster.

 

So....what does all of  have to do with dog training?? Actually, quite a bit. I know that I was taking dog training and the end goal of getting titles way too seriously for my own good. I see a lot of people who are in dog sports who also take dog training and getting those scores/titles way too seriously for their own good too. A dear friend of mine asked why I was driven by the need to be perfect...why was I so scared to fail or even make small mistakes? I would get defensive with instructors or friends who were trying to give me constructive criticism. They were trying to help me...but I took their input as attacks against my fragile self image. I couldn't process what they were trying to tell me in a healthy way. I couldn't process much of the world in a healthy way.

 With my new self awareness in place, I started to question why that was with me and speculated why that was with others too. I was basing my self worth on getting a Q or a title, or a great score. I worried way too much about what others thought about me as a person if I didn't Q, get that title, or that great score. Last year, agility caused me an incredible amount of angst because I could not Q with Ocean at 24" to save my life. Towards the end of the summer, I broke down at a trial and sobbed to friends saying "Why is this so hard?" My self worth took a huge tumble...I couldn't get my dog out of novice and I had been listening to advice from people. I wasn't listening to my own voice because of that poor self worth...I had detached from my own wisdom. It wasn't long after that agility break down that I moved Ocean back down to 20" to where he should have been. Wouldn't you know it, we're back to getting those Q's on a regular basis.

My new favorite dog sport shirt!!

Over these past couple of months with this new self awareness, I've learned where we are in our own head-space massively impacts training and working our dogs. We hear so much about the psychology side of sports and I don't think the obedience world has really looked at how that can impact their performance. The agility world's more competitive teams are aware of the mental game....but does the average agility team struggle with it? I surely didn't think that my everyday undercurrent of mental crap impacted how I trained or showed. But it did...and did a lot. I wasn't ready until now to really come out and talk about this recovery I'm working on. Now that I am ready, I'm probably going to write about it as it pertains to dog training.

If you see yourself in anything I wrote above, you're not alone. Codependency is a common issue for people who have lived/grew up with family dysfunction, alcoholism, mental illness, or abuse. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie is a life changing and validating book. I highly recommend it to anyone who knows or thinks codependency is part of their life.